There is nothing better than a true, strong friendship between women. A bond that can’t be broken. The kind of sisterhood that’s foundations are built on empowering one another, laughing until you cry and crying until you laugh. These kinds of best-friendships are usually made at high school, in the workplace or maybe even at your weekly yoga class. Not typically over a shared experience of having the same imposter ex. So, when we found the Instas’ of ‘The Tinder Swindler’s’ victims and saw that they – Cecilie Fjellhøy and Pernilla Sjoholm – had formed a bond worth more than his fake billions could buy, we felt like screaming ‘GIRL POWER’ at the top of our lungs.

And whilst, we at Voir, are living for this friendship formed through their shared tinder trauma, our hearts break for these women as the emotional and finical damage they’ve been left with will last a lifetime. With catfishing, poor communication and the sending of unsolicited nude pics at play, online dating is a hard enough ballgame as it is, without the fear of more Simon Levievs on the loose.

The Tinder Swindler hit our screens last week and has already reached over 45 million hours of views. The true crime documentary, directed by Felicity Morris, presented the story of professional con artist Shimon Hayut and the lengths he went to, with his crew, to make his millions. The film begins with victim Cecilie Fjellhøy narrating her personal account of matching Hayut on Tinder, where he went by the name of Simon Leviev, the son of a billionaire ‘king of diamonds.’

His profile was plastered with pictures indicating he lived an extremely luxurious lifestyle, drinking champagne on yachts, boujee restaurants and flying all over the world in style. Cecilie then walked us through her and Leviev’s whirlwind of a romance, which included a private jet ride to Bulgaria on the first date. What became immediately apparent was his use of love bombing and emotional manipulation from the get-go, luring Cecilie into the trap of falling in love with him.

Pernilla Sjoholm (who was an ex turned close friend of Leviev’s) fell victim to the same trick, as he spoiled her with lavish dinners and holidays, before forming a deep connection with her. Long-term girlfriend Ayleen Charlotte who was in a serious relationship with Leviev for over a year, also fell for Leviev’s trap, before realising he was an imposter.

After months of emotional manipulation, he would have his women exactly where he wanted them, and the fraudster’s cunning plan would take its darkest turn, as he convinced his victims to take loans out, ‘lending’ him obscene amounts of money, because his ‘enemies’ were after him. Overall, it is estimated he has swindled a staggering ten million dollars from all of his victims over the years.

Cat-fishing at a catastrophic level

Cecilie, Pernilla and the many others Leviev conned, had fallen victim to a serious case of catfishing. We’ve all been there. You’re waiting at the bar, and your ‘6ft2’ tinder match turns up to the date looking a little more like 5ft8, and a lot less built than in the pictures he had used from 2016, at the peak of his ‘Gym-King’ and protein powder phase.

Think of it like that, but times a million (or ten). Now if Leviev’s tinder profile had read, ‘fraudster, criminal, not really a billionaire and perpetrator of emotional abuse’, one would like to think he would have had zero matches.

Women world-wide live in constant fear of being sexually assaulted or hurt by men, which in turn can make the thought of online dating very daunting. Whilst meeting up with a stranger can be scary, sometimes when you’re lonely and single online dating becomes essential within your quest for love.

Prior to watching The Tinder Swindler, the usual precautions would be taken; meeting up in a public place, informing friends of locations and keeping them on speed-dial in-case an escape plan was needed. But, the documentary has brought another issue in the world of online dating to light. Simon Leviev wasn’t at all who he said he was, and he went to extreme lengths to keep his act up. With a team of ‘professional’ businessmen around him, photoshopped pictures and his ‘baby-mama’ going along with his story, it’s no surprise the women who had fallen in love with him, did not bat an eyelid.

The use of dating apps has become so normalised in our society, and whilst they have helped many to be successful in their search for love, they should be used with caution. The trauma that Cecilie, Penilla, and many other victims will carry forever, is a reminder for us to take precaution when swiping right.

Blame should be placed where blame is due

Un-surprisingly the show has taken social media by storm, as viewers are left stunned by The Tinder Swindler. But since the show aired, a victim-blaming narrative has been circulating the internet, as the women are judged for falling at the hands of the master manipulator.

Speaking to the ‘Private Parts Podcast’ on the criticism she has received, victim Cecilie says,

“It is so easy with hindsight, when you weren’t in the situation. When you’re under threats and stress it’s very different to when you’re just sitting here and saying like I would never have done that.”

It happens a lot more than you might think. Romantic fraud, where someone is scammed out of money by someone they believed they were in a relationship with, is alarmingly common, as according to the UK’s Action Fraud, in 2020 £68 million was lost due to romantic scamming. Instead of victim-blaming, championing them for coming together as a collective of strong badass women seeking their revenge, was the intended response for the show.

Director Felicity Morris tells ‘The Private Parts Podcast’, “I wanted to make a film that gave these women the platform and validation to say what they needed to say’, as she explains that she wanted viewers to feel ‘huge amounts of empathy’ for Simon’s victims.”

If The Tinder Swindler has taught us anything, it is that women and their friendships are unstoppable, and that it is time we all took some investigative measures when matching our suitable bachelors, to ensure all the con-men of the online dating world take their last swipe today.

Words By Lucy Rosenberg

_{Photo Credit: Netflix}

The post Catching Flights Not Feelings: The Tinder Swindler Is Someone No-one Warned You About appeared first on Voir Fashion.

With the past year riddled with isolation and lockdowns, dating culture has changed. Replacing blind dates, social events and any chance for a meet-cute situation, dating apps and virtual dates are the only way to find some romance with all of our social lives on hold. So what does this mean for the dating world post-lockdown? As we move further along the Covid ‘roadmap’ and more towards normality, a lot of people are starting to get back in the saddle with dating again, but how we approach it will no doubt be different after the changes in the last year.

Hayley Quinn is a dating coach and public speaker, dedicated to helping men and women gain confidence and learn to love dating, there’s no better person to ask about the state of dating in 2021. She gives us her insight and advice on post-lockdown love and how Covid has changed the culture of dating.

Hayley, it’s definitely been a weird year for dating, with zoom call dinner dates and socially distanced walks ruling romance throughout 2020 and the past few months for all of us in the single spectrum. When do you think things will go back to normal for the majority of people still in the dating pool?

C19 could well be one of those dating events (like the introduction of dating apps) that change how we date forever. Some of the dating trends that we’ve adopted throughout the pandemic, are likely to be here to stay. In recent research from Match, it showed 18% of people intend to carry on the ‘zoomancing’ (that’s video dates to you and me) after the pandemic has ended. A swing towards walking dates, having more open conversations around commitment and building a connection digitally before meeting, will probably also always be a part of our dating lives. 

Online dating and dating apps have been one of the only ways to find some romance with all of our social lives on hold. You mention this digital connection as, possibly, a permanent feature of dating, do dating apps affect the way relationships develop? 

Dating apps can sometimes feel like shopping for a date online: it can be too easy to detach yourself from the process and forget there’s another person on the other side of that screen. If you want your experience of dating apps to improve it will often come down to you choosing to have a more human experience of them. No more swiping when you’re watching Netflix. No more relying on the other person to make the conversation interesting, or forgetting to respond. 

What’s your expert opinion on this way of dating, as a dating coach? And how do they affect dating culture in general?

Our modern culture of instant communication has made people flakier! If you met a friend of a friend at your local pub in 1980, the chances of you standing them up would probably have been pretty small; now it’s too easy to send a whatsapp message doing a last minute cancel. If you’re looking for a long term relationship you need to be the change here and start becoming far more accountable in your relationships. 

Why do you think that this increase in people using online dating will stick as we ease into normal life again?

Online dating will undoubtedly keep growing as the main method people can meet. Yes it has its limitations, however, the ability to meet a wide range of people cheaply and safely is a huge benefit. That being said, as a dating coach, I’m a big fan of meeting people IRL. People may discriminate online against someone’s height, or someone’s age, in real life if we’re attracted to someone, we tend to be a lot more flexible in who we match with! 

From your expertise and coaching over the last Covid-ridden year, is there anything that you’ve found has changed in what men and women are looking for in relationships? 

In 2021 I anticipate we’ll see a 3 way split with how people approach relationships. Some people will want to make the most of their freedom (summer 2021 will be a big party season!), some will have seen the benefit of a relationship, others will find dating even more daunting after spending the best part of a year solo. 

Have you found more people know what they want in a partner and relationship? And if we’re struggling to find it, how and where do we look in this climate?

One of the best exercises you can do to get out of a dating rut and become clearer about what you want is to take a break from dating to question your own dating patterns. With the normal distractions of single life removed, Covid meant a lot of people had to take a hardcore reset in their dating lives. 

Do you think that the personal growth and self-reflection that lockdown has catalyzed for many has played a part in this and dating culture in 2021?

Absolutely! One of the best parts about being single and going through lockdown, has been the huge ability to experience personal growth. Where before if you were feeling blue you could head on a night out, or a last-minute date, to mask your feelings, with this out of the picture people have been pushed to confront their dating demons, and re-strategize for 2021. 

If we are just looking to have some fun with dating again, many of us might be feeling a little cautious with the presence of Covid still looming, and after such a long time without being able to. What’s your best advice for getting back in the saddle?

Just like getting over a break up, you don’t have to rush back into dating, just because Covid is becoming more manageable. Also, the best people for you won’t push your boundaries- if you want to take things slowly, or have a really open conversation with someone before you meet, the best partners for you will naturally gel with how you want to get to know them. 

Equally, the term ‘situationship’ has certainly been used more frequently over the last year – undefined and uncommitted relationships, often to do with proximity and the pause on dating and socialising. Do you think situationships will stay just as popular when we can go out and mingle freely again?

Unfortunately I think as long as people date, situationships will be a thing. Situationships can serve a purpose: if you’re unable to date, or don’t want to commit, they can provide a good amount of connection that suits where you’re at during this stage of your life. Situationships only get bad when you agree to participate in one, when you know you actually want more. 

So Hayley, how do we date smart in 2021?

Use the self knowledge you’ve gained in the last year to become really clear now about what kind of relationship is going to work for you. If you constantly attract emotionally unavailable men for instance, recognise that you have the power to end this type of situationships.

Hold high standards for how someone should treat you, but be flexible about who you think your type is. Finally be proactive: it’s not about finding ‘The One’, it’s about becoming the one who can make your dating life a success.

Find out more about Hayley’s work and coaching on her website.

Words By Daisy Greetham

The post Post-Lockdown Love: Navigating the World Of Dating in 2021 With Hayley Quinn appeared first on Voir Fashion.

Let’s face it, it’s getting more and more difficult to meet the person of your dreams in real life when every day, it’s work, work, work and repeat. You barely get time to eat and sleep, let alone date!

Dating apps like Tinder have really changed the dating game, with doctors, lawyers and fashionistas only a swipe away.

We caught up with Emily Hartridge, presenter and internet sensation based in London, to give some relationship advice on finding ‘the one’ on this the most romantic of days.

Voir: What advice do you have for an online dating newbie?

Emily: I would say don’t lie, it’s a bit like social media isn’t it? It’s a platform to showcase you, what you look like, what you do, what you like doing in your spare time. But there’s always those who put the most amazing pictures on there and tell these amazing things about themselves and if it’s not true, you’re already setting yourself up for a fall. Like when someone says they’re 6ft1 when really they’re not, they’re like 5ft10. Just make sure you represent who you actually are and if they don’t like you then they can piss off, you know.

V: Do men actually read an online profile or are they just looking at the photos?

E: If you’re the kind of guy that’s actually looking for a relationship, you’re gonna read what someone’s written on their profile. I’m sure they would read a small bio and photos if they’re actually looking for a relationship. And if they’re not looking for a relationship, then obviously it’s gonna be all physical, so do you want to be with someone like that anyway?

V: How do we distinguish between a profile which is real and fake? What are signs we’ve stumbled on a fake online dating profile?

E: I’ve definitely come across a few phonies on dating apps. Most of the time they come in the form of only putting modelling shots on their profile, which are obviously a google images of “hot male model”. Then what happens most of the time is I would be like “Ah, sort of swipe right” and then we’ll match and then there basically isn’t really a conversation because they either go straight in and say “Do you wanna have sex?” or they just don’t reply. If he just puts a lot of model photos on there that’s a bit of a sign that they’re probably not real.

V: What messaging tips do you have to avoid a boring conversation on a dating app?

E: Messaging is the most important part of the whole thing because I hate small talk. Like “hey how are you? How’s your day going?” I HATE that kind of chat. I’d much rather start with something interesting or a question, like what their death row meal would be. I know mine and I think it’s actually interesting when people answer that question. Honestly if a guy messaged me saying “hey how’s your day going?” I would be like “No, no.” So just mix it up.

V: What are your first date tips for women?

E: On the first date I would go for a coffee maybe in the day or just a drink, then sometimes that can lead to dinner. Don’t allocate yourself loads of hours because you might not like them. I’ve done that before, gone to dinner and it was just a terrible mistake because I hated it from the moment I walked in to the bar.

V: What do you think of singles playing “the game” if they’re looking for a serious relationship?

E: I’m pretty open and honest, I don’t think I know how to play a game. But when it comes to messaging and replying, you naturally want to reply really quickly but most people don’t really have that mentality. They would probably wait it out for a bit, so sometimes they wait a few hours to reply. It depends on age too, If getting close to 30 most people are done with games. You’re at the point where you probably want to meet someone and think about children or what you want to do with your life with them. There are definitely less games played over 30 because I don’t have time. Just be honest and be open what your looking for and if they’re not it then that’s fine.

V: What questions should we ask our online match before we meet them in real life?

E: I think pre-chats are a bit dangerous on dating apps because it can lead to a lot of disappointment which lasts a long time. It’s happened to so many of my friends that chats with guys for weeks and you almost feel like you have a boyfriend and then you meet them and then you’re like “Oh I don’t fancy you” and you wasted all those weeks. So I wouldn’t say there’s any necessary specific questions you need to ask. It’s good to have a little bit of chat, you know, “what do you do? Where do you live? What kind of stuff do you like to do?” But most of the time I’ve had a lot of friends that are just like “Hey how’s it going bla bla bla” and then “shall we just go for a drink?” You can ask them all the questions you want when you see them.

About Emily Hartridge

Emily gives relationship advice through her YouTube channel. Beginning her career with her worldwide hit YouTube series “10 Reasons Why”, she has garnered over 3 million views a month. She has interviewed some of the world’s biggest film stars including Hugh Jackman, Amanda Seyfried, Eddie Redmayne and Russell Brand.

Image research: Bethany Field, Photomontages: Luke Walwyn

Thank you for engaging with Voir Fashion Digital.

It is important that we communicate a unique brand of fashion, beauty, trends and lifestyle to you on a regular basis, all we ask is that you share our content, and subscribe to receive even more exciting updates and competitions directly to your inbox.

The post Hart to Heart appeared first on Voir Fashion.